There’s so many problems that I want to fix, bridges that I want to build. I guess this is getting old now when I say I’m selfless. So many people come to me for help when they need it, and I happily or reluctantly oblige and help, but when I need the help, I’m left in the cold.

I’ve helped my parents, my girlfriend, my bestfriends, friends, even total strangers, simply based on the moral grounds that it’s the right thing to do, not because I have anything to gain from it. I don’t ask for anything in return for favours, or deeds, or any act of kindness, …so why when I reach out for help I’m met with coldness and closed hands?

I try to be as independent, and self sufficient as I can, I don’t ask for money, gas, or food unless I really need it, I keep to myself never bothering anyone or being annoying. I’ve reached out to my parents for help concerning my ‘thoughts’ and I had to ‘win’ them over just to get the help I needed.

My best friend and sister are the only people that have tried to understand me and what I’m going through, because they have already been where I am now. I have a girlfriend that’s to fucking hard headed to see how much this man fucking loves her, and only wants to be by her side, through thick and thin.

I’m just sitting here, writhing in pain, crying, because I know no one is going to read this and nothing I do is good enough for any of them, I can only say what’s on my mind because deep down I have no idea who I am, I have no idea what to feel or say to someone who needs my help emotionally, all I can use is logic.

Yeh, I’m crazy as hell, but I’m also a product of my environment, crazy ass parents, crazy upbringing, crazy friends, crazy relationship, crazy life… All I know how to do is give, it’s what makes me happy, I feel good doing it, but sometimes it feels good to receive, just once in a while… just someone who wants to understand me, instead of just accepting me.

Anyone can accept who I am, but it takes real live to understand me.


I lye awake, at night, battling demons that I try to control with my mind, I know I can’t win, but I still fight no matter the outcome. I can only have a positive outlook, because the other side of the fence is to painful to comprehend, I please others to fill a void that my life hasn’t been able to provide for me.

Apparently, I’m not exactly to blame for who I am, going to therapy, has unlocked a lot of hidden anxiety, problems, trust issues, anger, and sorrow that was caused by my parents relationship, being lied to has caused trust issues, being hit(physical abuse) in my head head has caused serious anger management issues, and fear of losing something close to me is attributed to lack of closeness to my father.

I don’t want these problems, their what my doctor see in me when I explain my past, I may also has ADHD, which explains why slow activities like playing rpg or puzzle games are a choir for me, I find them as interesting as washing dishes… I’m seeking help, I have help, I just wrote this to get some things out of me head.





common sense, really

While this is true for many species it’s really not the case for foxes. Foxes chose to move into urban areas not because of a lack of habitat but because of the availability if food in towns and cities. Despite being only a fraction of the size of a rural fox’s territory, an urban fox territory contains around 100 times the amount of food a single fox needs. With that much easily accessible food lying around it’s no wonder foxes chose to colonize urban areas! Why scrape a hard living in the country when you can live the easy life and laze around getting fat in the town!

Foxes are also not typically forest dwellers. Ideally they like a mix of broken woodland, open farmland and grassland and do most of their hunting on woodland edges and farm fields. In fact, clearing forests creates more fox habitat! By clearing most of the ancient forests in the UK and converting it into farmland (as well as removing their natural predators) we’ve actually created a lot more fox habitat that allows them to thrive at much higher levels then they ever have done before. Urban foxes in the UK have a been living in towns since the 1930’s, long after the forests were cleared but before much of the major building that took place after the second world war.

Foxes also move freely between town and country. Foxes born in the town often move off into the country when they grow up, and foxes born in the country often migrate into towns. This is only possible because they have so much available habitat that they can freely choose where they want to live. 

In short, while habitat loss is a big issue for many species it is not an issue for foxes. Foxes are highly adaptable and if they can colonize an area they will. Thus, they move into urban areas not because they have to, but because they want to!