There’s so many problems that I want to fix, bridges that I want to build. I guess this is getting old now when I say I’m selfless. So many people come to me for help when they need it, and I happily or reluctantly oblige and help, but when I need the help, I’m left in the cold.
I’ve helped my parents, my girlfriend, my bestfriends, friends, even total strangers, simply based on the moral grounds that it’s the right thing to do, not because I have anything to gain from it. I don’t ask for anything in return for favours, or deeds, or any act of kindness, …so why when I reach out for help I’m met with coldness and closed hands?
I try to be as independent, and self sufficient as I can, I don’t ask for money, gas, or food unless I really need it, I keep to myself never bothering anyone or being annoying. I’ve reached out to my parents for help concerning my ‘thoughts’ and I had to ‘win’ them over just to get the help I needed.
My best friend and sister are the only people that have tried to understand me and what I’m going through, because they have already been where I am now. I have a girlfriend that’s to fucking hard headed to see how much this man fucking loves her, and only wants to be by her side, through thick and thin.
I’m just sitting here, writhing in pain, crying, because I know no one is going to read this and nothing I do is good enough for any of them, I can only say what’s on my mind because deep down I have no idea who I am, I have no idea what to feel or say to someone who needs my help emotionally, all I can use is logic.
Yeh, I’m crazy as hell, but I’m also a product of my environment, crazy ass parents, crazy upbringing, crazy friends, crazy relationship, crazy life… All I know how to do is give, it’s what makes me happy, I feel good doing it, but sometimes it feels good to receive, just once in a while… just someone who wants to understand me, instead of just accepting me.
Anyone can accept who I am, but it takes real live to understand me.